My biggest fear used to be burning alive.
But then my perspective changed. I birthed a baby.
Now my biggest, darkest fear is losing Henry.
…losing him too soon.
…losing him to a stranger.
…losing him to a medical mystery.
…losing him in any way that takes him away from me.
It is unfathomable, yet I find myself being paralyzed with fear on a daily basis. While this makes me want to lock him away in a secure bubble to ensure this doesn’t happen, we live each day to the fullest because none of us know how much time we have on this Earth.
I read a news story today that really affected me.
It happened a few blocks away from our house.
A couple with a two year old were robbed at knifepoint while they were out for a walk.
…during the day.
I want to cry. Cry for those people in the news story. Cry for myself. Just cry.
On a daily basis I think to myself, “No one has ever nor will they ever love anyone more than I love Henry.” Seriously, I think this. I think it every single day.
And the truth of the matter is…
I believe it! I honestly believe it with every fiber of my being.
I start to feel proud.
I feel embarrassed.
I feel sorry.
I feel sorry for everyone who isn’t me because they will never experience the intense feeling of love and attachment that I feel for Henry.
…and then the cycle starts over.
I realize that every mama must feel this way for her child.
Wandering around the neighborhood and exploring new parts that are previously undiscovered to us is a great pastime for me and Henry. We start our mornings early but when naptime is being fought, we strap on the baby carrier and head outside. With the stimulation of the various sites, Henry doesn’t make it very long until he falls asleep on my chest. My favorite place for him to be…right next to my heart.
Do you think he can hear all of the love I have for him in my heartbeat?
And one thing that is “So San Francisco” is our neighbor’s house. Every Halloween season, he decorates it in a different theme. The decor this year was quite impressive.
Good thing that Henry is young enough that he doesn’t know that skeletons and blood + gore is a scary thing. He gave the items a quick once over and then cracked a smile. He must have a love for the horror genre like me!
We also stopped at the neighborhood school to play at the playground. The school had these beautiful murals and positive messages, which were so sweet. They had chickens and a garden on the grounds, as well.
I can tell you that I didn’t see these things at my school in rural Indiana. I feel so fortunate that I’m able to give Henry more. More experiences. More adventures. More culture. More education.
I love that he will grow up respecting Mother Earth by recycling, composting, and up-cycling.
I love that he will grow up knowing about gentle, humane treatment of every creature.
I love that he will grow up with easy access to healthy food choices and an active lifestyle/culture.
Talk about problems!
We have two Halloween events this year but only one costume idea. Oh no!
Because I don’t want to spoil the main “costume” on a Friday night stroll through the neighborhood for candy, I took a looksee through our stuff and came up with the idea is sugarskulls for our family costume.
…think Day of the Dead!
Total cost – $0!
I had all the materials on hand.
A headband. Felt. Fabric glue. And a needle + thread. Done!
The beginning of October is my all time favorite weekend in the Bay! In addition to it being Daddy Beetle’s birthday (Happy Birthday), it is the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass festival, which is a free music festival in Golden Gate Park where you can picnic, BYOB, bring your dogs and is super family-friendly.
I can’t help but keep thinking of Henry’s recent trip to Chicago to visit family. He was able to spend a ton of time with his cousins, Mac + Roni.
Uploading the photos to my computer today has made me teary-eyed as I’m missing them like crazy. My sister and her family’s recent move from the DC-area to the ‘burbs of Chicago was a great move for them to be closer to family. It is great for me because the move makes my flight to see her an hour and a half less, which is a major plus.
However, a two hour time difference and a four hour flight still makes it feel like a very long distance.
We had such a blast and made some lovely memories. Henry was loving all of the new (to him) toys and was following his two-year-old cousin, Roni, all over the house.
We miss you guys! We are sending our love to you from California.
After a good night sleep, I was determined to take Henry for a walk before I started work around 8am. I had planned on strolling him and our dog, Wally, to the canyon and to play at the playground. Well, we had to scratch the playground idea because I bored him to sleep before we even got there.
Yes, it is true that I was listening to a podcast about Elimination Communication (EC). And yes, I can understand that he may find this particular topic rather boring, but I needed something to fill my ears and Spotify wasn’t working on my phone.
I think that is a pretty good arrangement, don’t you? When Henry sleeps, I can listen to a podcast? Yes, it is boring mom stuff, but it is something educational. For when he wakes, I will talk and point and squeal and coo to him while also introducing him to all of the amazing things in the world.
Like, this little snail family –
Just so you know, baby snails are tiny and adorable. And, I mean T-I-N-Y! For a slimy creature, (which I’m terrified of), little bitty baby snails are the exception.