The Honest Truth: My Biggest Fear

My biggest fear used to be burning alive.

But then my perspective changed.  I birthed a baby.  

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Now my biggest, darkest fear is losing Henry.

…losing him too soon.

…losing him to a stranger.

…losing him to a medical mystery.

…losing him in any way that takes him away from me.

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It is unfathomable, yet I find myself being paralyzed with fear on a daily basis.  While this makes me want to lock him away in a secure bubble to ensure this doesn’t happen, we live each day to the fullest because none of us know how much time we have on this Earth.

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I read a news story today that really affected me.

It happened a few blocks away from our house.

A couple with a two year old were robbed at knifepoint while they were out for a walk.

…during the day.

I want to cry. Cry for those people in the news story. Cry for myself. Just cry.

On a daily basis I think to myself, “No one has ever nor will they ever love anyone more than I love Henry.” Seriously, I think this. I think it every single day.

And the truth of the matter is…

I believe it! I honestly believe it with every fiber of my being.

I start to feel proud.

…but then

I feel embarrassed.

..but then

I feel sorry.

I feel sorry for everyone who isn’t me because they will never experience the intense feeling of love and attachment that I feel for Henry.

…and then the cycle starts over.

Because…

I realize that every mama must feel this way for her child.

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