A Sad Farewell/Goodbye {for now}

I don’t even know how to put this into words.

I don’t know how to express my feelings.

I don’t know how this is even possible.

We recently said goodbye {for now} to the matriarch of our family and the “bubbe” to our babies.

After a brave battle with cancer, we now have to accept that she isn’t here.

She won’t get to hear the boys’ first words.

She won’t get to celebrate their birthdays.

She won’t get to dance at their bar mitzvahs.

She won’t get to see them walk the stage at their graduations.

She won’t be walked down the aisle at their weddings..

It is impossible to accept.  How will this ever be okay?

We held a beautiful ceremony over the weekend to honor her spectacular life and the outpouring of love, support, and grief from family, friends, and acquaintances was overwhelming but so touching!

Henry is much too young to understand the darkness in our hearts but he will soon enough.  He will soon understand that Grandpa George doesn’t have Bubbe with him to take him on a stroller ride. He will soon understand that he’s missed out on all of Bubbe’s excellent cooking.  I am still shell-shocked and feel so much sadness for myself, for my husband, for my sister in law, for my father in law, for my nephew…and for my son.

She is the sun in our universe. And now that she is extinguished, there will forever be a huge black-hole in her place.

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She called him “Little Hen” and always said, “look at that punam!”to compliment him on his beautiful little face. She demanded daily photos of him texted to her so that the distance of DC and San Francisco didn’t feel so far. We did weekly video chat dates so that she could watch him grow and reach new developmental milestones.

It wasn’t enough time.

It isn’t enough.

F*ck You, Cancer!

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