Women {Not} Helping Women – Looking At You, Marissa Mayer

Cruising People.com today, I saw a headline that gutted me!  The headline made me deflate like a hole in a helium balloon…

Shame on People.com for reporting such garbage and shame on Marissa Mayer for being a public figure in the spotlight and not helping women and women rights!

If you’re wondering, here is the headline –

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(Source)

As a working, professional woman in the tech world in San Francisco/Silicon Valley, I am crushed by this because I was directly affected by the mentality that pregnancy and giving birth is like a disability, which IT IS NOT!  From someone who lost her job in the tech space when I announced my pregnancy, this headline fills me with fury!  Seriously Marissa?!

The days after giving birth are sacred and let’s be honest, not pretty from the body perspective.  For one, you still look pregnant a few days after giving birth, you are bleeding from EVERYWHERE, you are sleep deprived, and most importantly, your ONE job is to nourish and take care of your baby.  As my Mom once said, “They [babies] didn’t ask to be brought into this world!”  You would think she knows “all about it,” considering she also has a kid.

What Do I Expect?

Well, for one, I expect women to stand up for other women! I expect for public figures to use their fame and the spotlight to promote equal rights.  I’m sorry but telling the world that you won’t be taking much time off of work and that you will be working all throughout your pregnancy and delivery is setting the expectation that what she is doing is normal! Clearly, it is not!

Let’s be honest!  There are very few people who have nannies and caretakers and house cleaners and chefs and everyone else to do everything for them so that the single focus can be a career.  While she has worked hard for this privilege (I assume), there has to be some knowledge that her life is not the norm.  And that means that when she makes statements like this and the media covers it, it makes it hard for all of the other women that are not part of the 1%.

Shame on you!

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Flashback to October: Six Months Pregnant

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I don’t miss being pregnant. I absolutely love the end result of my pregnancy, however I have no desire to do it again.  I count my lucky stars every.single.day that Henry Hayes was born a happy, healthy baby and never take it for granted!

With pregnancy, there are no guarantees.  Aside from the 9 month sickness + weight gain/body changes, it was a time filled with stress and anxiety as I felt like things were totally out of my control.  You can take all the right vitamins, eat right, exercise, relax your mind, etc but that does not translates to an easy pregnancy or a healthy baby.  And with so many unknowns, it is a gamble I will not take again.

So please don’t ask…When will you make Henry a big brother? because the answer is NEVER.

I Must Have Amnesia

I must have amnesia because I forget what I looked like pregnant! When I see old photos, I can NOT believe my eyeballs!

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Now that I look back, I forget that I carried around an extra 32 pounds.  What I don’t forget is how much I hated being pregnant.

Yes, I said it! I hated being pregnant.  

Let me tell you that motherhood is 100x better than being pregnant. I hated feeling helpless by “trusting” my body to care for the {Beetle Baby}.

The photo above was taken at the hospital the day I went into labor.  I was there getting my blood pressure checked after a few high readings.  Little did I know that I would be heading back a day later to start a 52 hour labor with preeclampsia. Talk about a scary ordeal!

Did you know?

Globally, preeclampsia and other hypertensive disorders of pregnancy are a leading cause of maternal and infant illness and death. {Source}

Thank goodness Henry & I made it safely through the delivery, which is the only “cure” for preeclampsia. After being heavily monitored during labor, receiving magnesium through an IV, delivering the baby, and a few weeks of high blood pressure pills, I am back to normal.

Nevermind the fact that it has taken me almost five months to blog about it.  Out of sight, out of mind.

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One Year Ago Today

One year ago today I took a red eye to NYC for a work trip an hour after seeing two blue lines on a pee stick. I still remember how surreal it felt to be pregnant but not showing and not being able to talk to anyone about it.

Luckily I met my sister, nephew, and brother-in-law for a Yankees game and shared the news. Phew! It felt good to unload that information onto my family…the insiders club!

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The Comparison: Pre Pregnancy Body vs 8 Months Pregnant

It is quite amazing when you think about all of the transitions a woman’s body goes through in 40 weeks of pregnancy…not to mention that you are growing A HUMAN!  I mean, I can not believe that any day now we will be welcoming a little baby boy who once lived inside of my body.

Speaking of changing bodies, I hardly recognize my body at 39 weeks pregnant.  I have officially outgrown my clothes, including my maternity ones.  My shirts are too short and expose my stomach, while all of my pants feel constricting and uncomfortable.  I’m down to one pair of maternity leggings.  What this means is that I refuse to leave the house if they are dirty because I have nothing to wear. Literally.

To see how much my body has changed, I decided to post some photos to compare. The first picture shows my body a few days before I found out I was pregnant while the second photo shows my 32 week pregnant body right before I hit the pool for prenatal water aerobics.

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It’s hard to imagine what it feels like to have a waistline after nearly ten months without one but so worth it when you get a little buddy to call your own at the end of it.

Cheers!

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New Years Eve Road Trip

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Because we are on baby watch and didn’t want to travel too far from home, Beetle and I decided to take a road trip down Hwy 1 for a fun New Years Eve celebration.  We wanted to be sure to make the most of the last few days we have as a two-some.

In short, we had a blast!  We visited the marine reserve in Moss Beach, ate fish and chips in Half Moon Bay, & played arcade games in Santa Cruz.

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Happy New Year!

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The Waiting Game

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When Tom Petty sang, “the waiting is the hardest part,” he wasn’t kidding!

Being 39 weeks pregnant and having “false” contractions for the past month is proving to be very trying on my patience.  It isn’t that I am at the point where a woman says, “OKAY, I’m done being pregnant, let’s have this baby!”  I am currently having frustrations because I’m up most of the nights with strong cramps and back pain…but considering nothing has happened yet, it seems that I am experiencing practice contractions called Braxton Hicks.

Also, if I am to be honest, I am shocked that I am still pregnant as I just knew Baby Beetle would be here by now.

Between prenatal chiropractic appointments, acupuncture, swimming, mayan abdominal massages, hypnotherapy, talking to the baby, and sitting on an exercise ball most of the day, I am working to make the unmedicated natural birth experience the best one possible and am just waiting for him to want to enter this world.

I’ve heard that a full moon puts mamas into labor so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that tonight is the night.  I’m ready to meet this little guy and spoil him with snuggles and love.

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Realization: I Should Have Bought Stock in Charmin

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At 37 weeks pregnant, I’m convinced I’m keeping Charmin in business.  I’m also convinced I should have bought stock in their company given how much money I spend on their toilet paper each week.

With Baby Beetle being right on my bladder, I am running to the bathroom every ten – thirty minutes.  It has actually gotten so bad that I don’t leave the house unless I have to because I am afraid I won’t be able to find a bathroom while out and about.  Isn’t that sad?

The good news is that we are in the home stretch, and I won’t be pregnant forever.  So for a few more weeks, I will just be hanging in there.

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A Thank You To Baby Beetle’s Aunt Casey

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I would be neglectful if I didn’t post about my twin sister and soon-to-be-aunt to Baby Beetle, Casey.

I could go on and on about how much her love, support, and encouragement throughout this pregnancy has kept me sane, centered, and comforted but of course, that is a personal discussion between she and I. I assure you it has happened on numerous occasions and will continue to be vocalized.

However, I did want to show off her party planning skills and abilities.  After showing off the woodland baby shower, which was planned and decorated by her, I feel the need to brag for a moment.

As a doting wife, mother of a 16 month old, pharmaceutical sales rep-by-day, patient friend, and loving sister, I honestly don’t know where she found the time to craft and plan such a spectacular event.  This point in-and-of-itself shows how loving and caring she is and always has been. I will seriously be indebted to her for life. xoxo

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From the overall vision to the tiniest, minute details, she thought of it all and executed everything perfectly.

Here are the details she outsourced:

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And here are the some of the sweet details she crafted, which are beyond impressive:

details3From banners to photobooth masks to a diaper cake, every single detail was perfect, well-intentioned, theme appropriate, and hand crafted!  I mean, even the water bottles had cute little labels to show the cute factor. Perhaps she should reconsider her career choice.

What do you think?

Love You Forever Sister,

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I Lost My {Tech} Job Due to Pregnancy

Okay, I didn’t exactly lose it.  I know where it is.  It is on California Street in San Francisco, CA.

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Also, I wasn’t fired.  That would actually make the scenario a lot better given unemployment options.

The truth is, I resigned.

Clearly, I need to clarify.  The reason I say “lost” is because I do feel the emotions of LOSS.  I loved my job. I loved being a professional woman in the tech space. I loved the responsibility and the steep learning curve of wearing a lot of different hats in a small start up. I’m actually still in the grieving process of accepting my new title as, Unemployed.

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So what happened?  To make a {very} long story short, here’s the jist!  After telling the CEO of our 4 person start up that I was 10 weeks pregnant {back in early July} and a week after I started the job, the environment, attitudes, and workload completely shifted and the bullying started.  After coming home night after night crying myself to sleep and a health scare caused by the stress of the situation, it was time to throw in the towel and admit defeat.

After all, isn’t bringing a baby into the world safely in a healthy, supported environment my number one concern?

There are so many details and parts of this story that would infuriate you.  And yes, I didn’t do everything right either so I must admit a little blame and take responsibility for the outcome of the situation.

However, something is very wrong when the CEO compares my early pregnancy to him walking out and getting struck by a cable car causing him to be disabled.

NEWSFLASH: Pregnancy isn’t a disability.

But wait, is this legal?  The answer is, yes.  Even in the great state of California, a company under 5 employees is favored by the state and government, over the pregnant employee.  As the CEO clearly stated to me, “You don’t have any rights. Well, you have rights as a human being, but not as a pregnant woman in the workforce.”  Well, I guess that settles it.

Let me tell you…job seeking while pregnant is nearly impossible.  It’s time consuming, stressful, and somehow you are always “overqualified” for the job. Weird.

So all of this has led us to be a one income family in San Francisco, which is difficult…nearly impossible.  And also, very VERY stressful.

So what’s next? The truth is, I don’t know.  Now that I’m 37 weeks pregnant, my mind is focusing on welcoming a healthy baby into our home, instead of finding my next job.  However, when April 2015 rolls around, I will be back on the job market and reconsidering my love for the tech industry, that is for sure!

Take care,

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